Have you ever found yourself stuck in a negative thinking loop and can't seem to get out of it? Perhaps something along the lines of, “This sucks, I'm an idiot. I never get it right, everything's always a struggle. I'll never get over this situation...” etc. etc., ad nauseum. I come across this issue a lot in my work with clients. A negative thinking loop can create feelings of anxiety, dread, shame, anger...basically it can make you feel like crap about yourself and your life. And when you feel like crap, what do you end up creating? More crap!
So what else is possible? Well, that very question is a great place to start. Recognizing that you're stuck in that loop is the first step to changing it. “Universe, please show me what's beyond this.” That whole ask and you shall receive thing really does work. Asking a question like “what else is possible?” or “what's beyond this?” isn't about getting an answer to the question. You may, in fact, get an awareness of something but that isn't the point; the point is that with your question you are putting in a request to the universe that you'd like something different. It opens you up to the possibility of a different perspective, a different reality. It's a request to get out of the box in which you've locked yourself. And as soon as you ask the question, the quantum entanglements start working to actualize your request.
Another great question to ask along these lines is, “What's right about this that I'm not getting?” or “What's right about me that I'm not getting?” I love these questions because they pull you out of the loop and get you to perceive the situation from a different angle. What if what you're experiencing right now is necessary in the process of creating a change? What if it has to get “worse” before it gets better? We often talk about the “healing crisis” that can occur when someone is getting a new treatment for a medical condition, for example, when the treatment causes a reaction in the body that feels yucky at first but then gets better as the body gets healthier.
You could also ask about a specific situation, “Is this the change I've been asking for?” Change rarely shows up the way you want it to. I distinctly recall an incident about a year ago, when I was hit with an unexpected tax bill. I asked, “what would it take for a large sum of money to show up for me right away?” Days later, I got into a fender bender while driving to work. I immediately went into that negative thinking loop, saying to myself, “This sucks, what if this accident was all my fault, my rates are going to go up, I can't believe I was so stupid, etc.” And these thoughts created worry, self-judgment, shame, dread, and feeling really bad.
As soon as I realized what I was doing (which thankfully, didn't take nearly as long as it used to), I started asking different questions. “What's right about this that I'm not getting? What would it take for this situation to turn out greater than I could ever imagine?” Long story short, my insurance company decided it would cost more to fix the car than to just pay me outright for it, they let me keep it because it works just fine and only had cosmetic damages on it (which I can live with, ever since I let go of any judgments of how my car's appearance somehow represents something about me and my worth), and on top of that, my rates actually went down because they no longer would include comprehensive coverage, just liability. And finally, the insurance company decided that the accident wasn't entirely my fault, it was ultimately declared 50-50 responsibility. How does it get any better than that?! Not only had the money I had asked for showed up, but in a way so completely different and in fact, greater than I could have ever imagined. And I know that I would not have gotten this outcome had I not been in the question and asked for something different.
So what have you been unwilling to ask for? What would it take to get you out of your negative thinking loops? What else is possible that you haven't even considered before?
Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for Part 2 to this blog coming soon, with more tools to help you get out of the negative thinking loop!